Spooky vacation

Today’s vacation destination will win the ‘what I did for vacation’ contest with your friends…especially if your friends love drama and crime thrillers.
- Cris

The Lizzie Borden House

Most bed and breakfasts worry about lumpy pillows or whether the bananas are ripe. The Lizzie Borden House in Fall River, Massachusetts, has different problems. They have to make sure the replica sofa is positioned exactly where Andrew Borden took his last breath, and that the gift shop stays stocked with plastic hatchets.

Read The Room

I recently looked into what it takes to spend a night in this house, and the reality is a strange mix of historical preservation and blatant commercialism.

The owners restored the property to match the 1892 crime scene photographs.

You can sleep in the John V. Morse room, where Abby Borden was killed, or lounge in the sitting room where her husband met the same fate.

Walking into the house feels heavy.

The ceilings are low, the wallpaper is loud, and the Victorian furniture feels crowded. It does not feel like a museum; it feels like a home that froze during a horrific morning.

Staying here is uncomfortable, not because the beds are bad, but because you are paying money to sleep in a crime scene. It makes you question your own taste. Why are we fascinated by a double homicide that happened over a century ago? What is wrong with us?

The evening shifts the mood from historical interest to ghost hunting. After the daytime tourists leave, overnight guests get access to the whole house. The staff sets up ghost hunting equipment, like electromagnetic field meters and spirit boxes.

This is where the experience gets divisive. If you believe in ghosts, the creaking floorboards and cold drafts feel like evidence. If you are a skeptic, it feels like a cheesy campfire story. The house sits on a busy street, so headlights flash across the walls and trucks rumble past, which constantly reminds you of the outside world.

The staff tells stories about footsteps in the attic and muffled crying in the night. They do this well, but the commercial nature of the place is always visible. You can buy Lizzie Borden coffee mugs, t-shirts, and ornaments before you check out. It is a business built on tragedy.

I wonder what other tragedies will be tourist destinations 20 years from now? What is the appropriate length of time between a massacre and a tourist business? These are some of the things you may ponder as you try not to get spooked out.

If you decide to stay, do not expect a relaxing vacation. You will probably lie awake listening to the old house settle, wondering about the girl who may or may not have chopped up her parents. It is a weird, memorable way to spend an evening, and you will definitely have something to talk about at your next dinner party.

Just do not expect to get much sleep.

The pictures, however, will totally beat your friends photos from yet another beach vacation!

Have a spooky day and try not to create a scene that turns into a vacation destination in 20 years.

See you next Wednesday.

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