Your Couch Just Became a Luxury Resort

I’ve been pondering the question of “how can I enjoy my life more?” I mean seriously, our purpose in life is not to work really hard to enrich oligarchs. One of my proven strategies is to find joy in what I already have - my home, family, and friends. Let’s take back our life and…do nothing this week.
- Cris

Holiday plans

The Great Staycation: How to Ditch Traffic, Resort Fees, and Security Lines Without Going Anywhere

If you’ve ever reached the end of a vacation feeling more exhausted than when you left, welcome to the club. You’re among the millions who have come to realize the unsexy truth: getting away often requires way too much getting there.

Think about it. You start with a good intention - relaxing somewhere “worth the trip.” Two hours later, you’re hunched over your phone like a blackjack player, refreshing airline apps because the flight you booked (the only one that didn’t require a layover in Houston) has been delayed indefinitely. Next comes the parking garage scavenger hunt, the slow-motion security line, and the privilege of paying resort fees for amenities you never use.

This year, maybe it’s time to flip the script. Stay home. No, really. Stay. Home. A staycation done right can be as indulgent - or as absurd - as any destination. Let’s explore how to make staying put feel like a five-star experience, minus the credit card trauma.

1. Bring the Hotel to You
If you’ve ever wondered who pays $400 per night for a room with a bed and a bathroom, the answer is: all of us, eventually. This time, invest that money in your own house. Order a fresh set of absurdly plush towels - the kind that could smother a medium-sized dog. Buy fancy soap in a scent with words like “amber,” “fig,” or “sandalwood forest.” If you’re feeling truly indulgent, hire a local cleaning service to come before you check in (read: before you wake up) so you can emerge from your bedroom into an immaculate house and pretend you live in a catalog. Take a picture because no one may believe you about how wonderful the place is.

Bonus: no one will charge you $35 a night for parking in your own driveway.

2. The Extreme Version: Hire a Private Chef or Butler
If you want to experience true vacation decadence without stepping outside, hire a private chef for a day. Yes, it’s more expensive than pizza delivery, but think of it as your one-night splurge. They show up with groceries, cook every meal, and even clean up. You can pretend you’re at the Ritz - only your dog is allowed to beg at the table.

Not into chefs? Some concierge services will send a butler or personal assistant to your home to stock the fridge, do the laundry, and make your life suspiciously frictionless for 24 hours. It’s basically a vacation for your to-do list.

Going Somewhere? Protect Your Trip (and Your Sanity)

3. Build a Spa That Won’t Ask for a 20% Gratuity
Sure, resort spas have eucalyptus steam rooms and tiny cucumber water glasses, but they also have prices that make your credit card sweat. Instead, recreate the vibe. Order a stack of sheet masks, a bottle of something bubbly, and an absurdly fluffy robe. Schedule an in-home massage therapist or - on the more budget-friendly end - download a guided meditation and take a nap with no alarms.

Pro tip: steal the “do not disturb” mentality. Put your phone on airplane mode. The world can survive without you for a few hours. Go on a real vacation and leave it on for a few days.

Bonus pro tip: Most of the ultra expensive creams and lotions that spas try to sell you - because you feel great after a facial - are available online for 30% of the price. The

4. Rediscover Your Hometown, No Passport Required
One reason vacations feel special is novelty. So manufacture it. Make a list of places within 20 miles you’ve never set foot in: a museum you’ve always ignored, a hiking trail everyone talks about, or that pottery studio where you can pretend you’re auditioning for The Great British Throw Down.

The trick: approach it like a tourist. Look up the hours. Make an itinerary. Tell people you’re “unavailable,” even if you’re only gone for four hours.

Hydrossential oils are the perfect example of something I would buy at a spa - but can get here for half of the price.

5. Turn Your Backyard Into the Destination
I once read about someone who pitched a tent in their yard, made s’mores over a portable fire pit with bamboo roasting sticks, and went to sleep listening to an owl that turned out to be a neighbor’s kid with a recorder. It was the best vacation story I’d ever heard. To me, this sounds really fun because you can use the indoor plumbing rather than the woods (unless the woods are your thing then…good for you).

If you want to go extreme, rent a hot tub for the weekend. Yes, this is a real thing. Companies will plop an inflatable spa - or even a full wooden and professional version - in your yard, fill it, and pick it up after you’re done pretending you own a ski chalet.

6. The Zero Effort Option
Sometimes the best staycation requires no effort beyond your streaming password. If your soul needs a break from ambition, declare a weekend of unapologetic laziness. Put on sweatpants, order delivery for every meal, and read a silly fiction book.

Your home is clean and your chef is preparing dinner. How soon can we vacation again?

See you next Wednesday. I’ll be the one in a robe, sipping cucumber water and smelling fabulously fancy in amber-fig-sandalwood.

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